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White Christmas
for Eledhwenlin
Author's Notes: Thanks to Ladyivy for the beta and to Nicci for telling me off, cheering and general hand-holding.
---
Benton closed the door to his office. There had been no mistaking Inspector Thatcher's words. He was to find an apartment of his own and the sooner the better.
A soft whine from the floor made him look down.
"Yes, I'm afraid that is the case, Diefenbaker," Fraser replied. He didn't sigh. It was not how he was. He could understand that it was simply not done for him to live in his closet of an office.
Benton silently scolded himself. He was fortunate enough to have been allowed to sleep here for the past couple of months and the Inspector had said that he could stay until he found a place. As Benton leaned against the closed door, Diefenbaker whined again.
"I am sorry, but I have to finish some 256-B forms before I can take you for a run," he said, giving his companion an apologetic look.
Diefenbaker rumbled something in his throat and Benton stiffened. "Fine, if you feel you cannot wait for our daily run, you are free to go out on your own." He opened the door. He hated that Diefenbaker's fair request to be let out got to him the way it did.
Before he could apologize the half-wolf had disappeared out the door without a second look back.
'I shall not feel sorry for myself,' Benton thought. It just was not right that he, a grown man and a member of the RCMP, should be feeling unfairly treated.
Benton closed the door behind Diefenbaker as he heard Turnbull letting him out of the front door. He was in no mood for Turnbull's idle chit-chat. The man meant well, but Benton was unsure how to handle it at that moment.
A paradox, he knew that. He yearned for company, but Turnbull could drive any sane man over the proverbial edge. Benton knew he was a fool for pushing Diefenbaker away as well. Thankfully his lupine companion tended to forgive him fairly quickly.
Not that it made Benton feel better about it.
Taking a deep breath, he went to his desk and sat down. He would concentrate on the forms, look through the local paper and see if there were any apartments available in the near future.
He would not lament over his forced exile, he would not yearn for his once partnership with Ray. Those days were gone, even if he had honored Lieutenant Welsh's wish and sought to work with the man who had taken over his friend's name and identity.
Benton stared unseeingly at the form in front of him. Ray had tended to make fun of Benton's odd personality, though mostly in an exasperated, loving way. He had given Benton the kind of leeway only friends and family could give.
This... Benton did not allow himself to think the word 'imposter'. He might look a lot like Ray, and he was covering for Ray while he was undercover with the mafia, but...
When 'Vecchio', whose real name was Peter Romano, ridiculed Benton, it was with an undercurrent of malice. No softness of friendship or at least the respect between two officers of the law...
Benton shook himself. He could only pray for Ray's safety and serve through his own punishment. His beloved country still had not deemed him worthy of returning. Oh, he could go back up north, but he would never be able to stay a member of the RCMP.
Down here he was out of sight and out of mind...
Rubbing his forehead, he made a decision. This was Friday afternoon, the sun was shining, the air was pleasantly cool, though even if there were few weeks until Christmas, there was no snow on the ground, and barely a scent of it in the air. The forms could wait, the Inspector had left for the weekend and he knew Turnbull would not mind locking up the consulate.
Putting the forms back into the top drawer of his desk, Benton got to his feet, undid his uniform and placed it on its hanger. Diefenbaker had had the right idea. A run through the park would clear his mind of cobwebs.
The crisp air outside did wonders for him and knowing that the park was nearby only made it all the more bearable. Of course it did not even come close to the wilderness back home but it was green and the trees were clad in hues of yellow, red and brown.
Benton kept an eye out for Diefenbaker, but he knew that his friend would return when he deemed it the right time. Benton vowed that he would make it up to the half-wolf when he came back. There was no reason for Benton to take his frustrations out on Diefenbaker. It was petty and he should be stronger than that.
Running on the path along the small lake, Benton felt his worries slip into the background. The air felt wonderful after the stuffy interior of the consulate. Not thinking about anything in specific, Benton set a steady pace, letting his legs absorb the pounding rhythm with each step.
These were the times where Chicago was almost bearable.
Caught up in his own thoughts, Benton kept going. A yip pulled him back to reality and he slowed, turning his head to the side.
On the large grass covered area on his left, he saw Dief barking playfully at a stranger who reached down and ruffled his fur before turning and walking in the opposite direction.
Benton frowned at the trench-coat clad figure. All he could make out was the graceful walk and the blond tufts of hair sticking up over the upturned collar of the coat.
He argued with himself for a moment whether or not to follow the stranger, but whom Diefenbaker wanted to befriend was none of Benton's business. Just because Benton avoided most of the citizens of Chicago, at least on a personal level, Diefenbaker was free to choose his own company.
Benton set off again, knowing that Dief would follow if he wanted to. If not, Benton would simply finish his run on his own.
A few minutes later, Dief caught up with him and settled into an easy run, matching Benton's pace. Benton was not going to ask about the stranger. He looked ahead sternly and kept running.
---
"No, you should not at all feel obliged to tell me about your friends," Benton said, rubbing his thumb over an eyebrow.
Dief grumbled and lay down on the floor next to Benton's cot.
Benton sighed. "If you say he is trustworthy and that you enjoy his company, then that is more than enough for me."
Diefenbaker turned his head the other way, obviously meaning to ignore their conversation. Though why he had brought it up in the first place, Benton could only guess at.
Benton certainly didn't want his companion to avoid other people just because he chose to do so. With a shake of his head, Benton took off his uniform and put on his sweat pants and shirt. If Dief wanted to come along, it was his own choice.
Alas, Dief chose to ignore him and Benton headed off on his own, once again.
The air was a little cooler than the previous day, but it still did not appease Benton's yearning for true winter and snow covered forests and mountains. He wondered for how much longer he would be capable of handling his exile.
Perhaps he should start looking into other options. Maybe even leave the RCMP. The thought left him cold on the inside. Without his attachment to the RCMP, he would have a hard time fulfilling what he felt were his duties. What would he have if he did not have his work, his duty...?
"Mind if I join you?"
Benton almost stumbled, but found his footing quickly enough. Turning his head, he met a pair of blue eyes. Next to him was a man, roughly Benton's own age. Obviously American, judging from the accent, native to Chicago, even...
The stranger gave him a smile that hit Benton right where it had the most effect, knocked all the air out of him.
"You okay, Constable?" the man asked him, falling into pace with Benton.
"I..." Benton swallowed hard. "I am, thank you kindly. Though I believe you have me at a disadvantage." Benton slowed his run to a walk.
The stranger followed suit. He raised an eyebrow, then smiled again. "Right. Sorry. Name's Ray Kowalski."
They both slowed to a stop and Benton shook the hand that Kowalski offered him. Another Ray... "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Kowalski. I am Benton Fraser, RCMP," Benton said automatically. The smile it earned him was almost blinding.
"I know, and call me Ray," Ray said.
Benton felt more than a little unsettled by the straightforwardness. "Might I ask how...?" he began saying.
A light flush colored Ray's neck and ears. "I kinda know your wolf."
"Half-wolf," Benton corrected, absentmindedly.
Ray grinned. "Not according to the mutt himself," he replied with a wink.
Benton felt almost helplessly drawn to this terribly direct American. He wanted to fight the pull, but this man...
A terrible flash of a memory made him fight it, hard. He'd felt drawn to Victoria from the moment he'd seen her, from the moment her words had woven poison into his mind. He had let his heart lead instead of his mind.
He would not make that mistake again, even if Diefenbaker approved of this man. Besides, he knew very few American men who would welcome any kind of advances beyond ordinary friendship.
Friendship. He had so little of it, especially now that Ray... his Ray, was no longer at his side. Maybe he should give this opportunity a chance...
Just for the possibility of friendship, of course.
Benton tried to find his footing again, mentally and gestured at the path. Maybe running would kill the necessity for words? This... stranger. This 'Ray'... Benton would have to take his time to get to know him.
If Benton had thought that the run would make Ray Kowalski quiet, he was wrong. So very wrong. The man did stay quiet at times, obviously to save his breath for running, but mostly he kept up a running commentary.
After five minutes Benton knew about Ray's failed marriage, knew how beautiful Stella had been, how impressive her career had been. After ten minutes Benton knew about Ray's parents, his father's love of cars.
Not until afterwards, when Benton said his goodbyes, watching Ray Kowalski heading off in the opposite direction, did he realize something. Ray Kowalski might have been talking a lot about people he had had in his life, but he had revealed very little about himself.
Nervousness, perhaps? The signs were fairly clear. The running commentary and the looks he had kept giving Benton whenever he thought Benton wasn't looking but the reason for those, Benton could not discern. It kept niggling at Benton all the way back to the Consulate.
Upon entering, he was beset upon by his lupine companion.
Benton sighed. "Yes, I did meet a friend of yours. One Ray Kowalski."
Diefenbaker whined, then barked twice.
Benton frowned at the half-wolf. "Yes, I did find him quite pleasant." At Dief's next choice of words, Benton's eyes widened. "I most definitely am not attracted to him. I do believe you are being delusional."
Dief snorted and wandered off. Since he was deaf, Benton did not even bother calling after him to correct his obvious misunderstanding
---
Benton found himself settling into an odd rhythm of life, one that made his heart beat faster, made his palms go sweaty and something in his chest clench.
He got up in the morning, did what he was supposed to be doing, whatever the Inspector wanted from him, without even lamenting his dour life. Because at the end of the work day, he could take off his uniform, put on his sweats and trainers and head out for a run.
Some days, as if by unspoken agreement, he would find himself running alongside Ray Kowalski. Other days he would not see the man during his run. Benton never dared ask Ray about those days. He didn't want to know, didn't want to break the illusion.
Then came two days in a row with no Ray, then three and four, segueing into five and six days. And Benton worried, knowing that even if Dief didn't mention it, so did the half-wolf.
Christmas eve the Consulate was closed for business, as it would be for the following few days. Benton sat at his desk, staring at the bare surface.
A whine from Dief made him look up. "I guess you're right," he said quietly. "Just because Ray hasn't showed up for the past week, we shouldn't stay in today... a run would do us good."
Resolutely standing, Benton undid his uniform. He wondered briefly why he had even bothered putting it on when he had gotten out of bed and he didn't want to think too much about what it said about his life... or maybe lack thereof.
The skies outside were heavy and grey and Benton thought he could smell snow, though maybe not. It was hard to tell anything for sure with the heavy stench of exhaust in the air.
Pushing his worry into the back of his mind, Benton lost himself in the pounding feet on the pavement, the panted breath of Dief next to him.
He had had a few good encounters with a nice local so he shouldn't complain. He was the fool for expecting more. He could almost hear Ray Vecchio's soft laughter, the almost-pitying smile that was never given in taunt, but simply because Ray had occasionally worried about him.
Benton drew the cool air into his lungs, pacing himself and deciding that he wouldn't do with the short run that day. He could do with the exercise and the weather was fantastic, cold and crisp.
Running along the pathway of the park, Benton lost himself to his thoughts and he didn't notice at first that Dief had run off, leaving him far behind. Benton first slowed down, then sped up as he watched Dief up ahead in the distance, dancing around a bench with a familiar figure on it.
Coming to a halt, Benton found himself incapable of saying anything, almost as if he was out of breath. He simply stood there, staring at Ray Kowalski who in turn looked tired and bruised.
"It's good to see you again," Ray said quietly, pulling his coat closer around his shoulders. Benton didn't miss the sling barely visibly under it.
"Have you been in trouble?" he asked, not sure what he'd do if Ray turned out to be on the wrong side of the law.
Ray laughed mirthlessly. "You could say that," he admitted. "I ran into a little trouble."
Benton fought the urge to ask what exactly it was Ray did for a living. He hadn't asked before because he hadn't considered it important, though if Ray was in trouble... "I know it's none of my business," he began.
Ray shrugged and winced. "It's okay - I had a stakeout session..." Ray trailed off when he seemed to notice Benton's surprised look. "Oh, I think I forgot to tell you I'm a cop," he said sheepishly.
Benton nodded wordlessly. Another officer of the law, another Ray, another attraction he should not act upon.
Ray stood up, rubbing Dief's head affectionately. Dief for one seemed more careful, not jumping up or doing anything that might cause Ray pain. "Actually," Ray began, looking a little worried. "I was wondering if you'd like to come back to my place. We could get something to eat and just talk..."
Frowning a little, Benton turned the offer over and over in his head, and he was so focused on his own thoughts that he almost missed the moment Ray's shoulders slumped.
"I'd be delighted to," Benton heard himself saying, hurriedly, purely by instinct. He had to swallow hard when the weary look on Ray's face changed into a smile that hit Benton in the gut, punching the air out of him.
"Greatness," Ray said, gesturing along the pathway. "I'm parked right outside the park," he said.
Benton quickly calculated how long it would take him to get back to the Consulate, wash off and get into clean clothes. There were plenty of shortcuts.
"If you don't mind," he said slowly. "I'd like to go back to the Consulate and change into some other clothes."
Ray nodded quickly. "I can drive you there."
Benton shook his head. "If you insist on driving, then meet me there. It will take you longer with the traffic to get there than it will for me on foot."
Ray's eye narrowed. "Is that a challenge?" he asked.
Benton was just about to apologize, not entirely sure what for, then he caught the light to Ray's eyes and he could not help but smile. "No, it's a simple fact."
"Is that so?" Ray said, nodding slowly. Looking down at Dief who was sitting next to him, leaning against his leg, Ray pursed his lips and grinned. "What say you, mutt? Wanna come with me and prove the Mountie wrong?"
Dief barked twice, tongue lolling out of his mouth, and before Benton could say anything, Ray seemingly had decided that the bark had been a 'yes', as he winked at Benton and turned around, heading for the opposite exit of the park.
Benton felt... well, almost giddy as he gave Ray one last look, then turned around and set off. He kept a fast pace, but he was fit, he felt good and above all else, he felt like a teenager who wanted to show off.
He couldn't even find it in his heart to tell himself off for such silly behaviour and he was pleased that Diefenbaker wasn't around to call him on it either.
Pushing himself, Benton ran along the street outside the park, crossed the road and although it felt like forever, he entered through the gates of the Consulate, heading for the door. There was no sign of Ray or Dief, so it seemed he was still ahead. Feeling inordinately pleased, Benton unlocked the front door and headed straight for his office. Reluctantly, he opened the closet to take out some clean clothes. Letting out a breath he hadn't been aware of holding back, he found it looking like a perfectly normal closet.
A quick shower later, Benton wondered if perhaps he should shave again. He had done it in the early morning, but there was a distinctive shadow to his chin. Then again, according to his estimates, Ray shouldn't be there for another five minutes.
The doorbell rang as he pulled an old sweater down over his head. With a frown, Benton went to the door to open it and found a grinning Ray and an equally amused wolf standing outside.
"How many traffic regulations did you break getting here?" Benton asked primly, wincing internally. Why did he have to be such a stickler to the rules?
Ray simply laughed out loud. "None worth mentioning, mum," he said. "I grew up here in Chicago - I know how to get around." He followed Benton's gaze as it fell on his arm no longer in the sling. "Don't worry," he said with a small smile. "It's really not that bad. Just a bit stiff."
"I'm sorry," Benton said, clearing his throat.
"Hey, don't be," Ray said with another maddening wink. "I need a keeper, I know that."
Benton picked up his old leather jacket up from the chair he had hung it on only a few minutes earlier and put it on. He wondered why Ray's eyes seemed to be glued to it for a moment, and tried not to think about that pink tip of the tongue that came out to wet Ray's lips.
"I am sure you have enough of a keeper in your partner," Benton said as he follow Ray outside, making sure to lock the Consulate door behind him.
Ray's steps slowed for a moment, then he continued down the stairs to his car, a gleaming black thing that Benton was sure his old Ray would have waxed poetic over. It seemed the two men had more in common than simply first names.
"I'm sort of between partners at the moment," Ray said quietly as he got into the driver's seat and unlocked the passenger side door for Benton, who in turn let Dief into the back seat before settling into the front seat himself.
Benton raised an eyebrow as he fastened his seat belt. "And your leftenant allows you to work on your own?" he asked.
Ray quirked an eyebrow at the pronunciation of lieutenant, but otherwise simply shrugged, again wincing as he seemed to forget about his hurt shoulder. "I'm a stubborn bastard," he finally admitted as he turned the key in the ignition and pulled out into the traffic.
They drove in silence and for a while, all Benton could hear was the soft panting from the backseat. Even Dief was behaving himself.
Before Benton knew it, they pulled up in front of an apartment building. Ray gestured at it and got out of the car, waiting for Benton to do the same. "It's not much," he admitted, as they walked up the stairs. "I've lived on my own since I got divorced a few years ago."
It still struck Benton as odd that Ray, only having known him for such a short time, shared such private things with him. Then again, he had noticed that sometimes, Americans would do that. It might be a general thing, or perhaps they simply found him easy to talk to... unfortunately it mostly made Benton feel ill at ease.
Ray chuckled as he unlocked his door and let them in. "I'm on good terms with the ex though, so I can't complain." Throwing his keys on the small drawer at the entrance, Ray pointed toward the living room. "Make yourself comfortable, I'm going to make some coffee..." he stopped for a moment, then gave Benton a quick look. "I mean, if you drink coffee."
"I prefer tea, but water is quite fine," Benton hurriedly said.
"That's okay," Ray said, looking a little more at ease. "It's nothing fancy, but my mum keeps some tea in my cupboards because she doesn't drink coffee either."
"Thank you," Benton said, feeling odd about not having to do anything, apart from simply playing the guest. Sitting down on the old couch, he folded his hands in his lap, looking around the room. There were plenty of knick-knacks, though very little to say it was Christmas.
On the coffee table there was a brown manila folder and although Benton didn't mean to snoop, he picked it up, flipping it open. A case file, it turned out. Feeling a little guilty and a little nostalgic, he hurriedly put it back down on the table.
"You can look, you know," Ray said, walking over, obviously having caught Benton peeking.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." Benton began.
"No, please, be my guest," Ray said, putting down a mug of tea in front of Benton, taking his seat next to him on the couch with a similar mug of coffee. The mug proclaimed him to be the world's greatest lover and Benton felt his face heat a little. Thankfully Ray didn't seem to notice, as he was opening the folder.
Before he knew it, Benton was deeply engrossed in the file, carefully studying each page, every little tidbit of information, asking Ray question after question, which the other man answered with a small smile of his own.
"It's the brother," Ray said for the fifth time. Dief had long since given up on them, and had taken over one of the armchairs. Benton had been too caught up in the case to notice at first and it seemed Ray didn't mind so he chose not to pick a fight with Dief right there and then. There would be time for words later.
Benton shook his head. "I don't think so," he said.
Ray sighed and sat back, rubbing his eyes tiredly. They had shared a pizza earlier and Benton suddenly realized it had been several hours earlier. Outside the winter night was quiet and cold and... it had snowed. It had snowed and he hadn't even noticed.
Benton was torn from his reverie as Ray leaned across him to light another lamp next to the couch. Without thinking about it, Benton took a deep breath, the scent of whatever shampoo and soap Ray used, and possibly whatever it was he used to get his hair to stand on end filled his nostrils.
Ray froze for a moment, the light casting a soft shine to the curve of his neck and Benton had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from burying his nose there. His body was already so finely attuned to Ray and he hadn't noticed. He'd been busy with the case.
Staying where he was, Ray turned his head, his face scant inches from Benton's. The blue eyes were darker than Benton had seen them before and he found himself unable to tear his eyes from Ray's lips as the tip of the tongue came out to wet Ray's lips.
"I'm not barking up the wrong tree, am I?" Ray asked softly, looking far more vulnerable than Benton had imagined he could look. The bruises peeking up under the neck of his t-shirt only emphasized it.
Benton swallowed dryly, trying to find words, then finally shook his head slowly.
Ray bit his lower lip, then leaned in slowly, obviously allowing for Benton to change his mind. Benton wasn't even considering that.
Ray's lips were a little dry, but Benton didn't mind. They were firm against his and he couldn't imagine anything that could feel better as Ray's hand slid up to curve around his neck, holding him still as he deepened the kiss, running the tip of his tongue over Benton's lips. Acting instead of thinking, Benton parted his lips and let Ray inside.
He could taste coffee, the granulates telling him it was instant, a little bitter, but it was like an aphrodisiac mixed with the taste of Ray himself.
When Benton finally came to again, he found that Ray was more or less in his lap, panting nearly as hard as he was himself. Ray's body was warm against his and he was oddly comfortable.
"Wow," Ray mumbled, his eyes half closed, the long eyelashes casting shadows under his eyes.
Benton wasn't sure he could think of anything that would hit closer to the mark.
"I eh..." Ray said, turning his head a little, staring into Benton's eyes. "I have to admit that I've been hoping for this since I saw you the first time," he admitted, a flush reddening his cheeks.
Benton tried to suppress a small smile. "I have to say the same."
Ray coughed. "I also have to admit that I sort of... um. Well, I had to train real hard before I could approach you and ask to run with you," he said, almost too fast for Benton to catch.
"But why...?" Benton began.
Ray looked a little embarrassed. "I didn't know how to approach you, even after I ran into the half-wolf."
Benton frowned. "I've been meaning to ask you," he said, "I didn't think anyone else could understand Diefenbaker."
"Oh..." Ray said. "I don't really," he said sheepishly. "I knew who you were when I saw you with the mutt... not many like the two of you around, at least not in Chicago, for all I know, there could be a dozen like you north of the border."
Benton was surprised by his own laughter. "I'm not sure my superiors would find that quite so funny," he said.
"So you're not bothered that I was all but stalking you?" Ray asked, a tentative smile on his face.
"That would depend," said Benton quietly, looking at Ray's lips again. He was, for a moment, distracted when he realized that his hand was resting lightly on Ray's hip.
"On what?" Ray asked curiously. His hand was still hooked around Benton's neck.
"On what you were going to do to me when you caught up with me," Benton said, flushing horribly at his choice of words. He was not normally this open and willing to engage in any kind of... well. Whatever it was he and Ray were getting into.
"I think at first, just this," Ray said in a low voice, pulling Benton's head forward again, kissing him and this time, lingering far longer.
"Oh..." Benton said when they parted again. He felt as if he had climbed a mountain into the thin air and found he had trouble breathing.
Ray grinned and stole another kiss. "I wanna get to know you," he said quietly, lips brushing against Benton's. "And if you'd like, come help me at work," he said with a wink. "That brain of yours could do with the exercise and we've already established that I need a keeper. "
"We'd have to clear it," Benton began, but Ray silenced him with another kiss.
"Later," Ray said, leaning fully against him. "I kinda like what we're doing at the moment - we're getting to know each other, getting a nice duet going."
Benton sighed into the next kiss, nodded his consent. He liked it too. In fact, he'd like to get to know Ray as well. Really well.
Somewhere in the room, Dief made a guttural noise followed by a low whine.
Ray broke the kiss and turned his head. Benton took the moment to draw in much needed breath and steady himself a little. "Noone asked your opinion you scheming mutt," Ray said gruffly. "Just take a nap and let us bipedals have our fun."
Dief grumbled his assent and lay back down.
"I thought you couldn't understand him, Ray," Benton mumbled as he nuzzled at Ray's neck.
"Shut up, Benton, and put that pretty mouth of yours to a better use," Ray said with a grin and kissed him again.
Benton held onto Ray and did just that.
The end
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