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Where I End and You Begin
for j_s_cavalcante
Author's Notes: Thank you so much to my lovely beta readers: Sarah and Dayse. Without them, this would never have been finished.
"Ray."
Ray sat up quickly in the dark, his eyes searching for Fraser. He turned a little, straining to see anything.
"Ray."
"Christ, Fraser," Ray muttered, leaning over to turn on his light. "Don't sneak up on a guy when he's asleep."
"Sorry," Fraser said from the doorway. "I was hoping you'd be awake by now, but since you weren't I thought it prudent to wake you."
"I'm fine. I don't have a concussion or nothing. I just want to sleep," Ray said, shielding his eyes from the bright light. "Why can't you let me sleep?"
Fraser walked into the room, sitting on the edge of Ray's bed. "Because you've been sleeping for ten and a half hours."
"It was a rough coupla days." Ray pressed his face into his pillow, rolling a little towards the dip where Fraser was sitting on the bed. "How long you been up?"
"Since six." Ray could almost hear the moment when Fraser decided it was okay to touch him, a hand slowly moving out to rest against his shoulder, squeezing a little. "I could make you some coffee if you'd like. Diefenbaker ate the bagel I brought for you from the little bakery down the street. He's quite sorry though I think it's more because I made him stay out on the balcony and less that he ate your food."
"Is he still out there?" asked Ray.
"He's currently watching a re-run of Law and Order with Turtle."
Ray laughed a little and turned his face up to look at Fraser. "Yeah?"
Fraser smiled down at him, patting Ray's shoulder once more before pulling his hand back and getting to his feet. "I'll go make you that coffee. You go get in the shower."
Ray pushed himself to a sitting position, feeling aching ribs and all the spots where Cain had landed blows. "I smell that bad?"
"Once I was trapped in an ice crevasse with a dead caribou ..."
"That's enough," Ray said, holding up his hand. "I don't want to know about dead caribou or ice crevasses. I've had more than enough of those to last a lifetime."
"I suppose you smell better than the caribou," Fraser finished. "But a shower might help you feel better. I imagine you're rather stiff and sore."
Ray snorted a little. "What gave it away?"
"The ointment is in the medicine cabinet."
Ray grimaced at that, but nodded. "Okay, okay. I'll use the damn ointment."
"And call your mother. She's very worried and said that if you don't call soon she's going to come over and smother you," Fraser said, barely managing to keep a smile off his face. "Her words, not mine."
"I'll call her after I shower," Ray promised. "And when she calls again in five minutes, tell her that."
Fraser just laughed as he walked to their kitchen to fix Ray's coffee, leaving Ray alone to attempt to get out of bed with some of his dignity intact.
"It's just that I can't stand the smell of coffee anymore!"
"You're the one who wanted the cappuccino machine, Ms. Vecchio. Don't start back-pedaling now."
Ray shook his head as he walked past Welsh's office, carrying a cup of bad coffee. He really hated the fact Frannie didn't make the coffee anymore, but he also knew better than to mention that to her. She might start crying. He didn't do well with the hormones of pregnancy.
"They still arguing?" asked Jefferson from across the desk, eyeing Ray's bruised face.
"Oh yeah," Ray said as he set his coffee on his desk. "I miss her coffee."
Jefferson leaned over and sniffed Ray's coffee. "Is that the stuff Irma made? I wouldn't drink that if I were you."
"Why?" asked Ray, turning on his computer.
"I think she made it with yesterday's grounds."
Ray pushed the coffee away. "Okay, we're going to get coffee before we do anything else today."
Jefferson grabbed a few files and shook his head. "Sorry, Kowalski. I got someone in interview two. I think you're stuck with soda today."
"I hate soda!" Ray called out after him before turning around to look at his computer screen, scowling.
"Everyone already knows you hate soda." Fraser set a large coffee on Ray's desk, appearing out of nowhere.
"Where did you come from?"
Fraser looked slightly affronted. "I was dropping the car off for you since I was done taking Dief to the vet."
"Oh yeah. How is the Diefster?" Ray touched the coffee, smiling at Fraser appreciatively. "And thanks. Frannie still isn't making coffee in the morning."
"I know," Fraser said, setting the car keys on the desk. "He's a little overweight, but otherwise fine. We're walking back to the Consulate because of that."
"I guess this is where I apologize and promise to stop slipping him extra food during dinner?"
"Apology accepted." Fraser settled his Stetson back on his head. "I'm working late tonight, but I took out some chicken this morning."
"I'll make something," Ray promised. "Have fun walking back to the Consulate."
"We will."
Ray sipped his coffee, still waiting for his computer to boot up. Nelson gave him a look, one that Ray had grown entirely too used to since he and Fraser had moved in together. Ray just gave him the finger and reached for the phone.
"Do you need any help in there?" asked Ray, standing outside of Fraser's bedroom door.
"No! Everything is fine. I'll be out in a minute!"
Ray raised an eyebrow, but stepped back from the door and tried to ignore Fraser's hushed tones and the sound of hammering. Dief just looked up at him with a shake of his head before trotting back into the living room.
The mail was sitting on the counter so Ray picked it up, flipping through it until he stopped on an envelope from the Chicago Gay Officers Action League. He dropped it on the counter next to the other envelopes from them. Apparently harassment was being spam-mailed by gay cops.
"Another one?" asked Fraser, plucking the envelope from the counter.
"Seems like it. I don't really know where they got the idea we were gay" Ray said absently as he opened his credit card bill. He scowled. "Diefenbaker!"
"What did he do now?"
"Did you order stuff from Omaha Steaks?" asked Ray. "Because I didn't and if you didn't, then he did it."
Fraser turned to look at Diefenbaker who was trying to hide his head under the sofa cushion. "Where are the steaks, Dief?"
"Hey, Turnbull," Ray said as he leaned against the front desk in the Consulate. "I thought you were in Ottawa this week."
"Plans got changed, Detective Kowalski," Turnbull said, smiling brightly at him. "I believe Constable Fraser is almost finished with his meeting. Would you like some coffee while you wait?"
"Nah, I'm good. If I have more coffee, I might float away." Ray drummed his fingers against the desk. "So the new guy is still being cool, right?"
"Inspector Gallia is a very fair and adept leader." Turnbull's voice was flat and Ray looked over at him, noticing how sad he looked.
"You miss the Ice Queen?"
"Inspector Thatcher was a very hard woman to like," Turnbull said softly. "But I will admit I grew attached to her over the time we worked together both here and in Ottawa."
Ray patted Turnbull's shoulder. "Sorry, man. I'm sure you'll get used to Gallia if you're here long enough."
"Ray," Fraser said from the hall, carrying a large pile of papers and a laptop. "Sorry to keep you waiting."
"No problem." Ray grinned at him widely. "How was the meeting?"
"Very helpful. I have a very interesting project to work on," Fraser said, smiling in return. "I just have to pack a few things up and I'll be ready to head home."
"Great," Ray said as he followed him down the hall. "Mom dropped off the dry cleaning today and did some ironing while she was there. I think your shorts are just how you like them."
Fraser pinked up at that. "She really doesn't have to do my ironing and dry cleaning."
"It makes her happy. Besides, isn't it nice not to have to worry about it all the time."
"I suppose," Fraser said, sliding his laptop into his desk drawer and locking it up. "I just feel like I'm taking advantage of her."
"You go to the grocery store with her every weekend," Ray said. "Believe me, you're getting a fair trade."
"I like shopping with your mother."
"And she likes shopping with you," said Ray. "C'mon, let's go pick up Dief and go home. There's a hockey game on tonight and I plan to fall asleep while watching it."
Fraser chuckled. "So it's a normal night at home."
"Hand me the coffee," Jefferson said, poking Ray in the arm from the backseat of the car. "And wake up, man. What's wrong with you today?"
"Late night." Ray yawned and handed Jefferson his coffee.
"I'll bet," Jefferson said with a chuckle, shifting a little. "You see anything?"
"Nothing yet. This is going to be a really long shift."
"At least you're not the one hiding in the backseat this time. Is this how it worked when you were partnered with Fraser?"
"Nah," Ray said, sipping his own coffee. "We didn't do this stake-out stuff very often. He wasn't that patient. Liked to run in where he wasn't wanted."
Jefferson snorted and handed Ray back the coffee. "So how long you two been together? You weren't together when you were working together, right?"
"Look, Jefferson," Ray said, turning a little and pretending to look out the back window. "I don't really understand why people think we're together, but we're not. We just share an apartment because he's too cheap to get one himself."
"You were with him in Canada for six months, Kowalski. You two finally come back and then you move in together, tell Welsh he can't be your partner anymore, and let him drive your car. You don't let *me* drive your car."
"You can't drive for shit!"
Jefferson laughed and kicked the back of Ray's seat. "Seriously, man. What did you expect when you did all that?"
"That people wouldn't care about my private life."
"We're cops. We don't tell each other shit, but we talk about it like we know." Jefferson turned a little, trying to stretch as best he could in the back of the GTO. "Besides, you wouldn't be the first gay cop in Chicago."
"You think?" Ray turned to look directly at him. "Look, Jefferson. Fraser and I are just buddies. That's it. That's all it'll ever be. Sorry to disappoint everyone."
"You ain't disappointing me. I got a wife and kids," Jefferson said before poking Ray in the arm again. "Eyes up front, buddy. We're supposed to be staking out a drug dealer, not having a moment."
Ray laughed and turned away again. "Believe me, if I'm going to be having a moment with anyone, it's not going to be you."
Ray slammed the front door, despite the fact it was just after 5am. He knew Fraser was up so it wouldn't matter if he was loud when he came in. He was tired and buzzed on caffeine. Dief was still sprawled on the couch, snoring softly.
"Hey," Fraser said from the kitchen doorway, holding a mug of tea in his hands and wearing his red long johns. "How'd the stake-out go?"
"We came up empty again. Just a long night of Jefferson kicking the seat and too much coffee," Ray said, fidgeting a little as he looked at Fraser. "How long have you been up?"
"I haven't really been to sleep," Fraser admitted. "Dief and I were at the Consulate late tonight and then I got distracted doing laundry when we got home. He did not do his part and instead fell asleep on the couch."
"How are you going to work today without sleeping?" Ray stretched his arms above his head, yawning widely.
"I've done it before."
"You should call out and sleep with me instead."
Fraser blinked. "Excuse me?"
"You should call out and sleep like me instead."
"That's not what you said, Ray," Fraser said, setting his tea down. "You said that I should call out and sleep with you instead."
Ray lowered his arms and looked over at Fraser. "That's Jefferson's fault. He was talking about how people think we're together and all. You know, like that. I guess I was thinking about it."
"I thought you said no one was bothering you," Fraser said, bristling at that. "Ray if people are bothering you at work, I can move out. There's plenty of room at the Consu-"
Ray pushed him against the wall, scowling at him. "Don't even fucking think about it, Fraser. You and I got this apartment together and we're staying here together."
Fraser brought up his hands to wrap around Ray's wrists. "I don't want you to be pestered because of me."
"I don't care, okay. I don't *care*."
"Ray," Fraser's voice was soft and his hands loosened around Ray's wrists, his thumbs stroking lightly at the soft skin underneath. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
Ray's head dropped forward to rest against Fraser's shoulder, his hands still fisted in the fabric of the long johns. Fraser cupped the back of Ray's head, pulling him a little closer into a hug.
"Frase," Ray murmured. "Why aren't we together like that?"
"I thought it was your idea." Fraser spoke haltingly, his body stiff against Ray's. "I ... am not against the idea at all."
"Neither am I. I thought you were," Ray said, lifting his head to look at Fraser. They stared at each other for a long moment before Ray started laughing. "Christ, we're idiots."
Fraser laughed as well, his body relaxing. "We are."
"I'm gonna kiss you now. So you know."
Fraser's face softened and he nodded. "Kiss away."
Ray leaned forward and pressed his lips to Fraser's finally, feeling the roughness of Fraser's stubble against his cheek. He let go of Fraser's long johns and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, the two of them pressed together as they kissed against the living room wall.
There was a disgusted moan from behind them and they broke apart, looking over at Dief who was now awake and shaking his head.
"I would appreciate it if you kept your comments to yourself," Fraser said coolly, his lips red and swollen from kissing.
"Yeah," Ray said, grabbing Fraser's hand and tugging him away from the wall. "Just for that, we're going to the bedroom."
Dief just huffed and circled a few times on the couch before settling down again, his back to them. Fraser let Ray pull him down the hall, both of them stopping at the two opposite bedroom doors.
"Which one?" asked Ray, kissing Fraser again, letting Fraser press him against the wall this time.
"Yours," Fraser said against Ray's lips. "I like your bed."
"You like my bed?" Ray chuckled a little, fumbling with the door knob.
"It's big. Soft. Smells like you," Fraser said in between kisses. He pushed Ray through the doorway and started to tug at Ray's shirt, getting it off easily and dropping it on the ground.
"Shoes. Shoes."
Fraser knelt down and worked on the laces of Ray's boots, groaning a little as Ray began to sift his fingers through his hair. Ray gave an answering groan when Fraser pressed his mouth to the bulge in Ray's jeans.
"Get up here," Ray said as he kicked off his boots, his hands eager as they worked on the buttons of Fraser's long johns. "God, these things. You have no idea what it does to me to see you in these."
"I imagine it's much like what seeing you in them does to me," Fraser said, kissing him again as they made their way to Ray's bed somehow, Ray losing his pants somewhere along the way and Fraser's long johns unbuttoned down to his groin.
Ray laughed as they landed on the bed, Fraser on top of him. It was messy and fun and frankly he couldn't imagine it any other way as they kissed hungrily. Fraser's cock was hard and slick against his own and Ray grasped Fraser's ass through his long john's and pushed up against him.
"Ray, Ray, *Ray*," Fraser gasped against his lips before pulling back and pressing his face to Ray's neck, his hips moving faster.
"God, Fraser. Do it. Do it." Ray pulled him closer, tighter against his body as they rutted together mindlessly, neither of them caring for finesse at this point, just orgasm.
Fraser came first, biting down hard on Ray's shoulder, the sounds muffled against Ray's skin. Ray gasped and arched up, pushing against Fraser and rolling him onto his back. He kissed him hard, his cock sliding against Fraser's lower belly, through come and sweat and it pushed him over the top, his mouth open and panting.
Fraser's hands were calming and gentle as Ray trembled afterwards, his body exhausted and thrumming with caffeine, orgasm, and the realization that he wasn't alone in his attraction. Fraser was right there with him.
"So," Ray said after a few minutes, looking over at Fraser with a smile. "You gonna call out and sleep with me?"
Fraser met his smile and laughed, rolling over to rest against Ray's side. "I think it would be only prudent. I did stay up very late after all."
Ray ran his fingers through Fraser's hair, smiling happily. Sunlight was starting to peak through the shades in the bedroom, slanting along the floor and making the room soft and hazy. Fraser was heavy and warm against his side and Ray knew they would be stuck together when they both woke up, but right now, he really didn't care.
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